Blinded by love

Blinded by love

This is a story about the first man I've ever loved but leaves a scar on my life.

It started way back in 2014. He was my college schoolmate in a different course. He was dating my best friend at that time, they were in a relationship for a few weeks and it ended on bad terms. While they were still dating I had only seen him once, I didn't really say much to him as I am a very shy and socially awkward person. I think I managed to get a few hellos out but nothing more than that. 

The next time I met him was during the school festival and after-party, I and my other friends hang out, To be honest, I don't remember much that night since I was so drunk. 

Things seemed to be okay between him and my best friend again, they started talking and hanging out again, and that's also how I started talking to him more.

In December of that same year, we were all talking in group chats, in online I am a lot less awkward and am able to talk to other people, so this was a great way for me to start talking to him. 

As I started to become more friendly with him, I started to realize that he was not how my best friend made him out to be at all.

We started to hang out more, and the more time I spent with him the closer I felt to him. There are only a few people in our group of friends. I couldn't quite explain why but I felt like I had some sort of bond with him like I could connect with him in a way that I couldn't with the other people. Usually, I hate it when people talk to me, but to him, it feels warm and comforting.

During New Year's eve, our relationship progressed, I had one of my depressive episodes and ended up leaving all the group chats I was in. At that time, I just felt really lonely, as if I'm destined to never be happy.

He ended up private messaging me, asking what was wrong with me and why I was feeling like that. There are only a few people who know how much of a shit show my childhood was, I felt comfortable talking about it with him. And he seemed to have the perfect response to everything. After a while, I felt a little better about myself and I will never forget some of the things that he said to me that night. 

I feel like my feelings for him grows, like I was falling in love with him. It was a school vacation, so we talked a lot online, sharing some good and bad moments of our lives. This feeling is really new to me, the happiness I felt inside me, feels like I was finally found someone with whom I want to share my life. I don't want this moment to end!

After school break, I and my friends hang out again. I saw my best friend walking towards us with a man beside him holding her hands, I was shocked when I saw who that man is, it was him! The guy I talked all summer break, thinking he and my best friend had already broken up. I was feeling shit again! I want to scream so I excused myself and told them I need to go to the bathroom. 

When I reached the bathroom, I couldn't hold my tears anymore, my heart was in pain, and I felt betrayed! I fixed myself and got back to the group as if nothing happened. After a few minutes, the boy pulled me for a chat. 

He told me that during the break they got back together, he couldn't tell me the truth because he was afraid I will blame him. I can't answer him, not even a single word comes from my mouth. After hearing all of the bullshit, I just walked away!

When I got home, I cried a lot, and the feeling of being alone strikes me again. I felt used. After crying a lot I realized how foolish I am for believing him, how stupid I am.  After that incident, I guarded myself more, much more than before, and not allowing anyone to take advantage of me again. I go back to my old self again! Now I just believed that " Not every love story has a happy ending".